154MC: Response to letter to self
Dear past Livvy,
Yes I did make friends, but not to the extent I was wishing I think. I thought it would be pretty easy to make life long friends at university, but for me its been harder. At times, yes the course has been hard, but you’ve pulled through. Just think about next year, and the year after, how much harder it’ll get! I’m glad I began this new chapter to my life, it was a good change for me and allowed me to grow some more. Although its not as enjoyable as I had hoped.
Sadly, I have not shaken off my pessimistic attitude, if anything its gotten worse. Yes my freshers week was full of alcohol, although more sleep than I expected! (I’m always having naps at uni, can’t get through the day without one now) Freshers week wasn’t as great as I’d hoped- the events that were arranged were disappointing. I feel like I tried my best during that week to ‘put myself out there’ in order to make good first impressions, but it didn’t get me all that far. I didn’t enjoy living with the people in my flat when I moved in, therefore I moved to another flat at christmas. That was a good move!
At the moment, I don’t think I’ve made a best friend as such. I’ve got some lovely friends, but I still keep myself to myself-I know I shouldn’t. Maybe next year living with 3 other girls will bring us closer 🙂
I have been thinking about my photography degree a lot lately- whether I’m doing the right thing for me to eventually become a photographer. I have thought again about doing an apprenticeship etc because maybe university isn’t the right choice for me. Yet I have chosen to stay at university. I need to motivate myself more to just get on with it. I’m sure along the journey I will continue to have doubts about being at university, but this is something I will have to live with.
It pains me to say it, but I don’t think I have achieved any of the things I set out to do in my previous letter. I wanted to be more confident, optimistic and happy. I’ve gone downhill since. Maybe due to thinking that university life isn’t for me. Lets hope second year is a better experience!
Thankfully something which has improved is my work, and my way of thinking around photography work. A lot of this year for me has been improvement upon the theoretical side of photography, rather than the practical as we’re more or less left to get on with that ourselves. At the beginning of the year I tried using everything available to me and asked for help when needed, although as the year has gone on, I’ve gone more into my shell and keep things to myself now. I feel like the rest of the class are growing around me whilst I’m going backwards.
With only a month or so left of first year at university, we’re very close to a long summer! I can say that I am more confident to stand in front of the class and talk about my work thanks to the presentations we’ve had to do as part of assignments. I’m not sure I have a definite field of photography I am most interested in yet, although I enjoy photographing people. Yet I came across many difficulties within this during this year- its hard to rely on other people who will no doubt let you down when doing a project. Sadly this will probably continue to happen, as at the moment I am not paying my models.
Work hard for your last assignment and it’ll all be worth it!